Sometimes, I don’t have the answers. Sometimes, I don’t even have any questions. Sometimes I just sit there and realize that right now, I’m not exactly sure how things are going to turn out. It’s like this gentle reminder to me that I don’t really have any control of life. My life is just in the hands of a God who is constantly working in my life to mold me into the person that He has called for me to be. And sometimes the process of that leaves me without anything to say, and that’s okay. I don’t always have to have the right words and I don’t always have to have the answers.
Sometimes, I just have to be…
Sometimes I just have to patient with myself.
Sometimes I just have to give myself grace.
Sometimes I just have to let myself rest.
Sometimes I just have to listen.
Sometimes I just have to be.
A year ago, I was a completely different person. I felt like I was in the midst of losing who I was and that I would never find that same person again. I was right. I won’t ever find that person again. I’m not even sure who that person was. Instead, I’m finding myself. I am finding out little by little just who God was and is continuing to mold me to be. And sometimes that process is messy, hard, and a little discouraging. But today, I can look back on the last year and be so incredibly thankful for what God is doing in my life. He’s pulling out things within me that He desired for there to be freedom. He is pulling out lies within me and replacing them with His truth. He is showing me how much His purging in my life means He loves me.
A year ago, I was on the verge of losing hope that my life could be out of that darkness.
But here I am today saying, oh yes I can.
I’m not through it, He isn’t finished. He’s still healing parts of my heart that were abused. He is still replacing lies that the enemy rooted beneath my soul in layers and replacing them with the goodness of who He is.
But today, I have hope. Today I have proof that says the fight for our souls is worth it.
It’s messy. It’s hard. It’s discouraging. It’s exhausting. It’s emotional.
But oh friend, it’s freeing.
Every hard season we have a choice, we can run or we can fight. And I can tell you that first step to fight won’t be the hardest step. The hardest step will be the one that follows, then the one that follows that, and then the twenty that follow those. It’s the choice to keep fighting that is harder than the choice to take on the fight. But a hundred steps down the fight you might look back and see something. You might look back and see hope. Hope that shows you that the choice to fight was worth every tear, every lost hour of sleep, and every stomach turning moment.
The hard seasons aren’t meant to take you down, sweet friend. Those hard seasons, they’re meant to mold you. Don’t give in half way through the fight, there is sweet victory waiting for you on the other side. It’s bumpy on the way up to the mountain top, and it isn’t smooth sailing on the way down either. But there is victory in each step. There is freedom in each step.
And the taste of freedom in Christ, that my sweet friend, is worth it all.