I feel like the enemy likes to re-circle the same attacks and challenges in our life and just change the presentation of them each time. The enemy is smart. He knows how to best get to us. And I truly believe that he knows what our weaknesses are – he knows where to get us right where it’s going to hurt.

For example, some of the biggest challenges and faith walks my husband continuously go through is trusting God in the area of our finances. We have never really been in a place where we have made an abundance of income, but we have never really had to completely live pay check to pay check. In fact, when we took this new job a year ago we were able to afford a car payment, which we desperately needed for the safety of our family. We were also able to have internet and cable for the first time in over a year. We had never had cable before, and we hadn’t had internet for awhile. This was a treat! Cable was just a little extra for us to have the opportunity to spoil ourselves just a little. We all deserve that, right? We can eat out here and there and not have to worry about finances all the time. We can’t go blow fifty dollars on a meal, and I can’t go shopping all the time, but our needs are taken care of. We have enough to get us from one paycheck to the next with a little room for fun in between.

Things can feel like they’re great for awhile, we are doing so good in the finance department and then BOOM. The unexpected bill comes in, the medical charges you weren’t expecting come, the fact that you’re having a baby creeps in, and the unexpected expenses begin to pile up. We end up using the credit card more than we wanted to that month, or we spend a little more time at home instead of out eating or seeing a movie. Things happen.

Now here is where I have a choice on what to dwell on. My husband, bless him, is pretty incredible. He is chill, and relaxed, and can sit back like nothing just hit him unexpectedly and can say don’t worry, God’s got it. Then there is me, I turn into this freakishly crazy woman who is probably going to pull her hair out and snap at everyone who talks to her for the next hour because she has to figure out how they’re going to get groceries or pay that bill that’s twice as much as she expected. Then while she is freaking out about that, she realizes she has eight or so weeks of maternity leave that she won’t get paid during. Then another bill comes in being way more than she anticipated. And then…and then…and then…do you see what is happening here? Now you don’t even want to know what happens to me when this happens, and I will spare you the details because I am sure they are quite embarrassing anyways.

But do you want to know what is the craziest thing of all? It’s happened before. Oh my goodness I cannot even tell you how many times something unexpected has come up. Or when we were living on less to nothing in college. Or when my husband didn’t have a job for a few months while we were both in college. Or when my son was born. Oh I could tell you a dozen times that something like this has happened and I got sent on the crazy lady train. But you know what? We are here. We paid every bill. We didn’t go hungry. We always made it through. We always survived. It always worked out.

God always provided.

Yet, here I am again on the crazy lady train wondering what now? Did I forget that God took care of us once before? Did I forget that He promises He will take care of us? Did I forget everything He has done in the past that has gotten me to where I am now? I would never forget what He has done for us….but how quick am I to act like I forgot it all.

The sneaky thing about the enemy is he knows that I jump on this crazy lady train, so he knows right where to test me. He brings it in a little here, and a little there, and a little more and watches me go crazy getting further and further from trusting God. Then God comes through and I cry, and I thank Him, and I ask that He would help me to trust Him better. Then we are good, things start looking up. Then a few months later we are hit again, a little here, and a little there. The enemy knows I always react the same way – he re-circles the same attack because he knows just what to do to cause me to question God. Even if I am not wanting or intending to question God, I am in my lack of trust.

Then there’s that great thing about God. He does it again. He provides above and beyond what I could expect. He makes all the hours I spent on the crazy lady train become a waste of time because He comes through like He always does. He did it once, and He will do it again. He will always do it again. He will always come through. That’s who He is. He cares about His children and I am His child. That’s reason enough for Him to come through like He has promised me He always will.

He did it once, He’ll do it again.