My first moment came that very first night in the hospital.
Peanut slept like a precious angel all evening long….then the sun went down,
everyone left, and we tried to get some shut eye. That was when he screamed…and
screamed…and screamed. The nurses harp on you all day long about falling asleep
with the baby on your chest, so both my husband and I were so scared to hold
him and end up falling asleep to get rudely awaken by an angry nurse. So we
(more like my amazing husband since I was glued to a hospital bed in pain)
tried bouncing. And rocking. And walking. And talking. And nursing (I did that
part, no worries). And every little trick in the book. A nurse came by with a round
of pain medicine for me and told me I could call for a pacifier if I wanted to,
but Jase was already not nursing well that I didn’t want to ruin my chances
even more. So I waited…until I couldn’t wait any longer and I hit that magical
button and begged for a pacifier. Once the nurse brought that miraculous little
thing in and we gave it to Jase beautiful silence wrapped the entire room. I
knew from day one that boy was going to love his pacifier.

But then I thought to myself, “Did I just fail?” I was
worried I had ruined him ever nursing now. I was upset I let him cry that long.
I was angry I couldn’t move to rock him and make everything better. Maybe I had
no idea what I was doing. If this was a picture of the next few weeks of my
life, surely there was no way I was cut out for this job.

Then came night three at home and it happened all over
again. It’s 1am and Jase is screaming. My mom and sister are fast asleep on the
other side of the house. My husband and I are doing everything we can to get
him to stop crying. I wasn’t feeling good and was in so much pain. My husband
was trying his best to help, but part of me couldn’t let him because I felt
like that meant I was failing as a mother. So I just cried. And we did all we
could. And two hours later I ran into where my mom was sleeping and said “I don’t
know what’s wrong, but he just won’t stop crying.” My mother came to the rescue
and rocked and walked the fussy baby to let us get a couple hours of sleep and
woke me when he couldn’t go any longer without eating. And I felt like I
failed. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my child and I had to ask for
help. What in the world am I going to do when she leaves? Maybe I am not cut
out for this.

There’s no perfect check list that will ever prepare you for
what you will face the moment you become a mother. There isn’t a perfect list
of what to do here and what not to do there. There’s nothing that can truly prepare
you for the way your entire life is going to change when that child is placed
into your arms. You could read all the books, you can sit through all the
parenting seminars, you can meet with all the experts but I am here to break
the news, mama you just won’t know until it hits you. And it hits you fast and
it hits you hard.

There won’t be a day that goes by where you won’t wonder if
you are doing the right thing. There won’t be a moment that goes by where you
aren’t questioning if you truly know what you’re doing. There will seldom be a
time that goes by that you don’t ask yourself if you were really cut out for
this mothering thing. And just when you think you have started to figure it
out, the tables turn, and you’ll be back to where you started from.

Without the perfect check list we are left to figure out
this motherhood thing on our own. We’ve read the books, we have sought advice,
we have talked to the experts in our lives and here we are with this baby in
our arms ready to be a mom. Until all the unexpected comes at us and we are
left with our head spinning wondering what in the world just happened.

You aren’t made a mother the instant your child is born. You’re
fashioned into a mother. Every little bump, every little hiccup, it creates in
you a mother. Remember, there was never a handbook, so experience is your
teacher. Each time you make it through another milestone is just you being sculpted
even more into the mother you’re meant to be. Those little ones were placed in
your hands to be molded and sculpted into the person that they are destined to
be, and just as you are doing so to them, they are doing so to you. These kids
in your hands, they’re sculpting you and molding you into the mother you are
destined to be. Everything they present you with is another step into this life
of motherhood that you are cut out for.

Mama, you can do this.

Yes, you may make mistakes. Yes, you may not always get it
right. Yes, you may not always know what to do. You’ll ask yourself if you’re
cut out for this, and I am here to tell you, yes you are. You may not feel like
that right now, and you may question yourself again next week, but you can do
this. Every day is another day that you are on your way to becoming the mother
that you are destined to be. The mother you were made to be. The mother you are
cut out to be.