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on June 4, 2014 · 2 Comments

One Hundred and Three

My son’s temperature has been bouncing around the 103 mark for a little over 24 hours now. It is miserable seeing him like this. He has yet to be this sick in his short little life here so it has had me pretty nervous. Doctor says he just has some nasty virus, we head to the ER if it hits 104, and if the fever doesn’t break in 48 hours (now 24 hours) we have to bring him back in. I don’t know what they will do if it gets to that point, but my mind is all sorts of worry right now if I think about that too much. So just taking it hour by hour, keeping his fever down, keeping him hydrated, and taking in all the cuddles we can get. His little body is so hot. I am just praying he kicks this soon. Until he does, I won’t be leaving his side except for an hour tonight when I need to be at church for a few things. I am so thankful for some incredible in-laws close by who will stay with him until I finish what I need to do and can get back home with him. 

I am incredibly thankful for my rock star husband who has been helping me with peanut and being a rock for me to lean on. Just something about a mama seeing her sweet baby so sick kind of breaks your heart. Not only that, but he rearranged half our room last night so he could sleep in his pack and play right next to me. Having him closer made me feel much better about the night. 
I guess this is another “mama badge” on this whole motherhood journey.
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Filed Under: Family, Ferg Littles, Jase, Motherhood Tagged With: Family, Ferg Littles, Jase, Motherhood

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  1. ~*Night Owl*~ says

    June 5, 2014 at 1:05 AM

    I really hope your little peanut breaks that fever soon. Will pray for you and send good vibes. So sorry you're having to go thru this but know that the good Lord will look after him. So glad you have a good support system.

    http://nightowlventing02.blogspot.com/2014/06/these-are-my-confessions.html

    Reply
  2. Susannah says

    June 5, 2014 at 7:52 PM

    Oh no, poor little man! I pray he feels better soon!

    Reply

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You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love that you so freely give to your family. It’s not just about holding space for them; it’s about holding space for you, too.

You don’t have to shrink yourself to make room for others.

You deserve to take up space too.
Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive becom Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive become the hardest to unlearn. Those patterns once kept you safe, but now you’re learning they don’t need to anymore. 

Give yourself grace—you’re unlearning survival. Healing takes time, and with each layer you peel back, you’re discovering the person you’ve always been beneath the survival.

And if you’re anything like me, you’ll really learn to love her. ❤️
✨ NEW SEASON ✨ I’m not a big fan of change. ✨ NEW SEASON ✨

I’m not a big fan of change. My nervous system gets all panicky and tends to over research every possibility that could take place. It likes to tell me safety is in the details. 

But I know that’s not true.

This year has been a big year of growth for me in this department. Trauma told me control was my safety, but the truth was all I ever had was a false sense of control. 

This year has offered plenty of opportunities for me to say, “Okay God, you have my yes, wherever that leads.”

No over research. No over analyzing. No predicting every possibility. No trying to control the outcome.

Just a heart that says, “Yes.” 

Even when I don’t understand. Even when I’m nervous how it will turn out. Even when it feels like right now isn’t bad. Even when my heart’s confused. 

Even when….

God has been asking us both a lot lately, “Do I have your yes, no matter what that looks like?” Friday was the end of a season for Chad working at the Appliance Guys, and today starts a new season of a new company. It was NOT an easy decision, and it came with a lot of tears (mainly from me - are you surprised?). His boss, where he’s been for the last almost six years, has been an incredible support for our family as we walked through some of the hardest seasons of our family. They will always hold a special place in our heart.

But God said “it’s time” and my faith-filled husband said “Yes.” I have to admit, I don’t envy how hard this decision was for him. It affects us both, yes. But he had to walk it out. And I’m so grateful for His leadership and faith to Jesus to step into the next season when there are so many unknowns.

Sometimes, all God wants to know is does He have our “YES” no matter what that means. No matter what that changes. 

May I live my life in a way that has an open heart to hear from God and a willingness to say “YES” even when….

(PS he was so thrilled I made him take this photo. 😂 But I know this season will be one we forever ever want to remember, because God always shows His faithfulness).
I wonder if they would have chosen life for her. I wonder if they would have chosen life for her.

I wonder if they would have seen what was growing inside of her, and the fight that was about to come on the other side, if they would have said her life was worth saving.

I wonder if they would have discounted her before she had a chance. 

I wonder if they would have made a prediction about her quality of life and deemed her not worth the cost.

I wonder if they would have saw the life saving measures she would need and decided that it was worse to let her live.

I wonder if they would have saw everything that could go wrong, the bleak prognosis, and compared her to statistics. 

I wonder if they would have made a choice to encourage a decision that robbed us all of the miracle we see today.

Whether 48 hours or 4 years - her life has changed mine for the better. It’s heartbreaking to think someone may have once told me she wasn’t worth it.

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