Mama, Did You Fail This Summer?

Next week snuck up on me. Before I knew it I was writing the words, “First Day of School” on the Calendar. How did summer come to an end so quickly? Yet, at the same time so many days felt like they would never end? I am looking at the Calendar in disbelief that our summer has come to an end mixed in with feelings of thinking it would never end. Then I remember all the things I wanted to do, but didn’t. The imaginary bucket list in my head that I never actually created for fear of failing staring at me with all the things I did in fact fail to complete. The picture in my mind of how summer would be and not exactly living up to every bit of it.

I yelled one too many times.

I said no one too many times.

I chose to stay home in the cool air one too many times.

I decided some days it wasn’t worth it to get out.

I wished school would hurry up and get here so that we could have routine in our days once again.

I picked up my phone one too many times.

I didn’t hit every spot I wanted or conquer every experience.

I said yes one to many times.

I spent more money than I probably should have.

The picture in my head haunts me with all the “one too manys” and I realize summer has come and gone.

Then my oldest babe looks up at me with big eyes and proclaims, “I am so excited for school to start! I can’t wait!” My heart sinks a little to think of him being gone all day once again. Maybe I should have savored every moment with surpassing joy and not wished took part in those “one too manys.”

I respond, “I am so happy you are so happy!”

Then he looks down at the ground and says, “But I am going to miss you so much! This was a great summer.”

“Oh really? I am going to miss you too! What was your favorite thing about summer?”

He smiles ear to ear and exclaims in an excited voice, “All of it! I loved every second!”

It is in that moment I remember that my imperfections mean nothing to him. The pressure that weighs heavily on my shoulders isn’t put there by him, it’s put there by me. It’s put there by unrealistic expectations that I was never meant to carry. It’s the desire to be the perfect mom without realizing I am already exactly what my kids need just how I am.

Mama, did you fail this summer?

Did your bucket list go uncompleted? Did you find yourself barely surviving some days? Maybe you yelled too much. Maybe you disappeared in your phone for ten minutes longer than you should have. Did the expectations of summer weigh so heavily on your heart you felt like you couldn’t measure up? Did summer come to an end and leave you hoping there were a little more good days than bad days?

Lean in, I want to whisper something to your heart…

Closer.

You are an amazing mom. You gave your kids a summer only you could. The memories you made with them, they will never forget. They won’t remember the times your weakness and exhaustion got the best of you, I promise. They will remember the laughter, the games of hide and seek, the trips to the park and pool…but most of all, they will remember doing it with you.

This summer season doesn’t need to add any more pressure to your heart than motherhood already does. Breathe in the grace of your Heavenly Father and remember that He made you for this. He designed you for your children. He knew the summer memories you would provide them with and He knew no one could do it better than you. He knew that you would fail, and he knew that you would succeed, and He knew every moment in between.