I started school when I was four, so I was always the
youngest in my class. I was the second youngest in my graduating class at
school – by two weeks. I went to college at seventeen and I didn’t even have my
license. My practicum focus in school was Children’s Ministry and the Children’s
Pastor used to always joke about me not having my license and being so young. I
was the baby in my apartment; all my roommates were older than me. When I later
got hired on as part of the Children’s Ministry it was an ongoing joke. My boss
bought me a Birthday card that said, “It’s not every day you turn seventeen.” I
didn’t mind the joke. I thought it was funny too. I knew I was the baby
everywhere. What made it even funnier is I look like a High School kid. Most
little kids think I go to school with their older siblings. I remember being
asked numerous time while substitute teaching at an elementary school if I knew
such and such kid’s older brother and sister. Didn’t they know I couldn’t be
teaching them if I was still in High School? Apparently not. But really, the
joke didn’t bother me one bit. Often times I was told that for someone so young,
I had a lot of wisdom. I have been through a lot in life that caused me to grow
up pretty fast, so I have always known I have been pretty mature for my age. I
guess that made it easier for the joke to carry on – I was young, but don’t let
that fool you!

But then I realized something. That “always seventeen” joke
was starting to define me. It wasn’t that I hated the joke; I still think it’s
funny to this day. But hearing it so much started to hold me in bondage. In my
mind, I was still seventeen. I started realizing that my age was holding me
back. At times I would even forget I wasn’t seventeen anymore. When I pictured
myself all I could see is the seventeen year old me, and what could little
seventeen year old me do? I was put in a position of leading people who were
old enough to be my mom, how could little seventeen year old me be an effective
leader over someone who should be leading me? I was allowing myself to be bound
by fear constantly seeing myself as seventeen. I was looking down on myself because I was so young. I found myself
thinking, “What makes me think they are going to listen to me, I am so young.”
At times it caused me to lead timidly instead of stand confidently that God had
placed me in that position, at that age, because He determined I was ready. I
remember in one of my yearly evaluations my boss even said something along the
lines of, I know I always give you a hard time about always being seventeen. I
know your young, but I have you in this position for a reason. You just need to
have confidence in who you are and stand in that confidence. Don’t let your age
hold you back and cause you to be timid.

I remember leaving that meeting realizing how true that
statement is. Then I thought back to how much I loved that verse as a little
girl, even though I didn’t even understand what I meant I had chose that verse
to be mine. I immediately realized that it was God, years ago, setting me up
for these moments I would face in life. God was already speaking those words
into me because He knew that one day I would hold myself back because of my
age. I have continued to do everything at a young age. Graduated at seventeen;
engaged at eighteen, married at nineteen, pregnant at twenty-one, a mom by
twenty-two, leading a ministry with my husband at twenty-two – and to many
people that is incredibly young to reach those milestones in life. Sometimes it
sounds even too young to me!

But then I think back to that verse. I think back to that
verse and find confidence in who God has called me to be and where He has
positioned me in this season of life and I stand in that. I step out of “seventeen
year old me” and step into “God equips me” and I find confidence to do what God
has called me to be and be who He has destined me to be.