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on September 6, 2013 · 3 Comments

My Heart Is Oh So Full

Life has been all things but normal right now. I don’t even
know what normal is for us yet. Well, maybe I know what normal looks like for
my husband, and my son (as normal as things can be with an 11 week old), but I
have no idea what normal looks like for me.

He has really found his hands now! He is always sucking his fists!

Life is crazy, my house is hectic, today I didn’t even
realize I hadn’t brushed my teeth until….well maybe I shouldn’t tell you that
much or you might just not visit this blog anymore. Praying these days usually
comes when I am sitting in a rocking chair nursing my boy. I am ashamed to say
this but my Bible is buried under a mess of a…well what is supposed to be our
office/sewing room/whatever else we decide to make that space. Any verse I have
wanted to read has been through Bible Gateway or the app on my phone. I never
shower at the same time of day anymore…actually most of the time the only time
I bathe is in the bath with my son at night or when we have to go to church. (You
haven’t left this page yet, have you? Good).

Oh, but my heart is oh so full.

Sweet cuddles in his moby wrap during church. He was out!
I know it won’t always be like this. I know soon (hopefully
this weekend) we will have our house completely in order. I know that once our
house isn’t consuming so much time, I can get myself on somewhat of a normal
daily pattern finding the best time to have devotions when Jase is content or
sleeping, as well as finding the best time to get things done for church. I
know the ten minutes here and there where I am able to pray isn’t exactly
ideal. The ten minutes here and there that I spend writing lessons and
classroom guides for church isn’t really that productive. But I know it’s just
a season, and God is totally gracing me in this season.

My heart is oh so full.

Oops! Mom should probably turn the flash off when trying to capture baby boy smiling first.
My heart is full of God’s grace and patience with me when I
can barely even get ten minutes in with Him a day. My heart is full of the
amazing opportunity I have in being a part of such a wonderful church. My heart
is full of joy in having the chance to impact the lives of children as my job.
My heart is full from watching my husband go to work every day to a job he has always
dreamed about. My heart is full from my husband’s patience with me when the
house may be messier than it was when he left. My heart is full from the love
my husband still has for me when I haven’t showered, brushed my teeth, and am
wearing the same pair of shorts and t-shirt I was two days ago. My heart is
full when my baby boy looks up at me and smiles. My heart is full when he stops
eating just to talk to me.

Oh, my heart is full of so many blessings!

Life may be a bit crazy in this season, and I my days may be
a little bit hectic, but I know things won’t always be this way. I guess it’s
all about learning to love the season you’re in…even the hectic ones.

Baby boy fell asleep just like this as Chad was studying for Sunday’s message.
(P.S. I know these pictures have nothing to do with this post, but I thought you would love to see a little glimpse into my oh so full life). 
(Visited 78 times, 1 visits today)

Filed Under: Faith, Motherhood Tagged With: Faith, Motherhood

Previous Post: « I Come From Grace
Next Post: Jase Nursery Reveal »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Shannon @Imperfectly Perfect Grace says

    September 6, 2013 at 7:25 PM

    YAY!! I wish I could come over and help you get organized, but I know it will happen in due time. Sooo glad you're able to see and feel all your blessings in spite of the off track schedule and moving mess.

    Reply
  2. Jasmine says

    September 6, 2013 at 11:48 PM

    Hi!! I found your blog on http://blogsbychristianwomen.blogspot.com & I'm your newest follower. Please visit and follow me at http://weigh2gomom.blogspot.com

    xoxo

    P.s., your son is GORGEOUS!!!!!!

    Reply
  3. Sarah Notes says

    September 7, 2013 at 2:34 AM

    I LOVE when they stop nursing to look up and coo. Be still my heart!
    We were on our way to a mom's group meetup this morning when I realized–I hadn't brushed my teeth! Ack! Haha…you are SO not the only one ;-p

    Reply

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You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love that you so freely give to your family. It’s not just about holding space for them; it’s about holding space for you, too.

You don’t have to shrink yourself to make room for others.

You deserve to take up space too.
Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive becom Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive become the hardest to unlearn. Those patterns once kept you safe, but now you’re learning they don’t need to anymore. 

Give yourself grace—you’re unlearning survival. Healing takes time, and with each layer you peel back, you’re discovering the person you’ve always been beneath the survival.

And if you’re anything like me, you’ll really learn to love her. ❤️
✨ NEW SEASON ✨ I’m not a big fan of change. ✨ NEW SEASON ✨

I’m not a big fan of change. My nervous system gets all panicky and tends to over research every possibility that could take place. It likes to tell me safety is in the details. 

But I know that’s not true.

This year has been a big year of growth for me in this department. Trauma told me control was my safety, but the truth was all I ever had was a false sense of control. 

This year has offered plenty of opportunities for me to say, “Okay God, you have my yes, wherever that leads.”

No over research. No over analyzing. No predicting every possibility. No trying to control the outcome.

Just a heart that says, “Yes.” 

Even when I don’t understand. Even when I’m nervous how it will turn out. Even when it feels like right now isn’t bad. Even when my heart’s confused. 

Even when….

God has been asking us both a lot lately, “Do I have your yes, no matter what that looks like?” Friday was the end of a season for Chad working at the Appliance Guys, and today starts a new season of a new company. It was NOT an easy decision, and it came with a lot of tears (mainly from me - are you surprised?). His boss, where he’s been for the last almost six years, has been an incredible support for our family as we walked through some of the hardest seasons of our family. They will always hold a special place in our heart.

But God said “it’s time” and my faith-filled husband said “Yes.” I have to admit, I don’t envy how hard this decision was for him. It affects us both, yes. But he had to walk it out. And I’m so grateful for His leadership and faith to Jesus to step into the next season when there are so many unknowns.

Sometimes, all God wants to know is does He have our “YES” no matter what that means. No matter what that changes. 

May I live my life in a way that has an open heart to hear from God and a willingness to say “YES” even when….

(PS he was so thrilled I made him take this photo. 😂 But I know this season will be one we forever ever want to remember, because God always shows His faithfulness).
I wonder if they would have chosen life for her. I wonder if they would have chosen life for her.

I wonder if they would have seen what was growing inside of her, and the fight that was about to come on the other side, if they would have said her life was worth saving.

I wonder if they would have discounted her before she had a chance. 

I wonder if they would have made a prediction about her quality of life and deemed her not worth the cost.

I wonder if they would have saw the life saving measures she would need and decided that it was worse to let her live.

I wonder if they would have saw everything that could go wrong, the bleak prognosis, and compared her to statistics. 

I wonder if they would have made a choice to encourage a decision that robbed us all of the miracle we see today.

Whether 48 hours or 4 years - her life has changed mine for the better. It’s heartbreaking to think someone may have once told me she wasn’t worth it.

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