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on September 18, 2013 · 2 Comments

A Letter To My Mom

I think God gives us children to bless us in more ways than
one.

I believe that as we watch them grow, we are tested, we are
taught, and we are stretched, all the while we are brought more joy than one
could ever believe possible.

Then one day they grow up, and when they grow up we can only
hope and pray that everything we taught them will hold to their lives as an
adult. We can only hope that they love Jesus just as we prayed they would for
so long. We can only pray they will be a better man or woman than we are. That
every mistake we made didn’t harm them. For every time that we tried it made a
difference. We can only hope that as we look at our child in the future we see
someone who is living for God just as we spent hours on our knees praying.

Mom, I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today if it wasn’t
for you.

We had a rocky start. You were young, you were trying to
figure out how to be an adult, how to take care of yourself, and how to be a
mom all at the same time. The road was a little bumpy for you. You were on your
own. Life wasn’t that stable at first, it took awhile for it to begin to get a
little smoother.

You never gave up.

Even when things were hard, even when tomorrow seemed
hopeless, even when you had one of the most strong willed daughters, you tried.
You did it on your own for a long time, but I think that makes you superwoman.

You are superwoman.


You’ve been through some tough stuff the past few years. If
being a single mom for many years wasn’t enough, you’re walking through the
trenches again. I can only imagine how tired and exhausted it makes you. It can
cause you to question many things that got you to this place.
But don’t.

You are an amazing mom. What makes you amazing is you never
gave up. You pushed. You fought. You hit the bottom and gave every ounce of
your being to your Heavenly Father and allowed Him to transform you as a
person, and as a mother. You prayed for me. You prayed for your other kids. You
got on your knees and cried out to God to help you be the best mother to your
children, to take back the years you lost, and to give us what you never had.


 I think you did a great job. No one taught you how, or what,
or when. No one told you the right way or the wrong way, but you figured it out
mom.

When I look at you I see a fighter. I see a woman who never
gave up. I see a woman who continues to fight. I see a woman who even though
she found herself late, she made a difference in my life.

You’re a great mom.

I pray that one day I will look back and realize I taught my
kids in the same ways you taught me. I pray that one day I will hear them say
that I did a good job. I pray one day I will see them serving God. I pray that
they will be better than me, because you would only hope that I would be better
than you. That’s how it works, isn’t it?

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Lydia Schmitt says

    September 18, 2013 at 4:11 PM

    This is so beautiful, Ally!

    Reply
  2. Shannon @Imperfectly Perfect Grace says

    September 18, 2013 at 7:34 PM

    Look at your pretty and cute new blog design! It looks so great! And this post is every mothers dream i'm sure! What an honor to write to her the way you did! She sounds like a strong and amazing woman.

    Reply

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You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love that you so freely give to your family. It’s not just about holding space for them; it’s about holding space for you, too.

You don’t have to shrink yourself to make room for others.

You deserve to take up space too.
Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive becom Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive become the hardest to unlearn. Those patterns once kept you safe, but now you’re learning they don’t need to anymore. 

Give yourself grace—you’re unlearning survival. Healing takes time, and with each layer you peel back, you’re discovering the person you’ve always been beneath the survival.

And if you’re anything like me, you’ll really learn to love her. ❤️
✨ NEW SEASON ✨ I’m not a big fan of change. ✨ NEW SEASON ✨

I’m not a big fan of change. My nervous system gets all panicky and tends to over research every possibility that could take place. It likes to tell me safety is in the details. 

But I know that’s not true.

This year has been a big year of growth for me in this department. Trauma told me control was my safety, but the truth was all I ever had was a false sense of control. 

This year has offered plenty of opportunities for me to say, “Okay God, you have my yes, wherever that leads.”

No over research. No over analyzing. No predicting every possibility. No trying to control the outcome.

Just a heart that says, “Yes.” 

Even when I don’t understand. Even when I’m nervous how it will turn out. Even when it feels like right now isn’t bad. Even when my heart’s confused. 

Even when….

God has been asking us both a lot lately, “Do I have your yes, no matter what that looks like?” Friday was the end of a season for Chad working at the Appliance Guys, and today starts a new season of a new company. It was NOT an easy decision, and it came with a lot of tears (mainly from me - are you surprised?). His boss, where he’s been for the last almost six years, has been an incredible support for our family as we walked through some of the hardest seasons of our family. They will always hold a special place in our heart.

But God said “it’s time” and my faith-filled husband said “Yes.” I have to admit, I don’t envy how hard this decision was for him. It affects us both, yes. But he had to walk it out. And I’m so grateful for His leadership and faith to Jesus to step into the next season when there are so many unknowns.

Sometimes, all God wants to know is does He have our “YES” no matter what that means. No matter what that changes. 

May I live my life in a way that has an open heart to hear from God and a willingness to say “YES” even when….

(PS he was so thrilled I made him take this photo. 😂 But I know this season will be one we forever ever want to remember, because God always shows His faithfulness).
I wonder if they would have chosen life for her. I wonder if they would have chosen life for her.

I wonder if they would have seen what was growing inside of her, and the fight that was about to come on the other side, if they would have said her life was worth saving.

I wonder if they would have discounted her before she had a chance. 

I wonder if they would have made a prediction about her quality of life and deemed her not worth the cost.

I wonder if they would have saw the life saving measures she would need and decided that it was worse to let her live.

I wonder if they would have saw everything that could go wrong, the bleak prognosis, and compared her to statistics. 

I wonder if they would have made a choice to encourage a decision that robbed us all of the miracle we see today.

Whether 48 hours or 4 years - her life has changed mine for the better. It’s heartbreaking to think someone may have once told me she wasn’t worth it.

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