I was holding the phone and my hands were shaking as I read the text with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t want this. I didn’t ask for this. Anxiety was taking a hold of who I was and causing me to completely forget exactly who it was that I was. I read the text from a friend encouraging me to call my doctor and I just cried. It wasn’t fair. I was doing so much better this time around, I felt like I had more experience, I was much less emotional. But my body didn’t think so.
So I called the doctor and it took everything within me not to throw up. I needed help. I wasn’t going to get through this on my own. It just kept getting worse and I was losing control.
Anxiety wasn’t part of my plan. It just came crashing in and invaded my life and who I was. Anxiety came in fighting to steal my motherhood and my identity and it took everything within me not to fall down and let it.
Anxiety is no joke my friends. It’s crippling and it takes over who you are so quickly it can leave you hurt and so very confused. It isn’t something I would wish upon anyone. Anxiety can make you forget who you are and leave you gasping for fresh air.
But it doesn’t have to stop there. Anxiety doesn’t have to win.
Even though anxiety wasn’t part of my plan, it became a part of my life. And the freedom to conquer it could only come when I embraced it. I had to learn to embrace anxiety as part of my story. Embracing anxiety doesn’t mean it has to stay, my prayer is one day that it will go away. But embracing it means that I’m not going to let it have control over me and I’m going to conquer it.
If you let it, anxiety can steal who you are and leave you feeling isolated and alone. But if you embrace it and step out seeking help to conquer it, you can grow and discover so much about yourself.
If you’ve stumbled across this post because you’re there, in that moment of loss, I want you to know you don’t have to stay there. Anxiety doesn’t have to be the end of you.
Sometimes we experience things in life that we wish we didn’t. Sometimes something becomes a part of our story and we wish it wasn’t. But there is beauty and embracing those parts of our stories, the part that’s hard and less than beautiful. Because in those less than beautiful moments is where we grow. It is in those less than beautiful moments that we learn so much about ourselves. It is in those less than beautiful moments that we realize just how beautiful life is.
So whether it’s anxiety or something else, embrace your story. Embrace all of it, the messy and the beautiful. Embrace this life and everything it has to offer you because that’s when we are truly living.