Oh. Hey there. It’s been a little while, hasn’t it? To tell you the truth, I’ve been avoiding this space. I’ve been avoiding writing because every time I sat down I didn’t even know where to start. Where do you start when you aren’t even sure where you’re at right now? Where do you begin to share advice, encouragement, tips, or life’s stories when you’re in the midst of trying to figure it all out yourself? Or…not figure it out I guess you can say. That’s where I’m at. Learning to be okay with not figuring it all out.

You see, I am a bit of a control freak. Just a little. I like to know what’s going on. I like to know what life is going to throw at me. I like to be prepared. Being prepared equals safety, and safety isn’t something I’ve had all my life.

Most kids grow up never once thinking about if they were safe. They just know they are. They know they’re loved, they know they are cared for, they know both their parents are going to be there for them, and they know that life isn’t going to fall apart beneath them. But not me. I didn’t grow up that way. Life fell apart beneath me one too many times. The floor I was standing on collapsed right below me every time I seemed to get comfortable in life. So, I had to find safety. How did I find safety? I created it. I created my safe place by feeling like I was prepared for anything life would throw at me. Even though in reality, I could never predict what was going to happen, but I thought I could and it made me feel a little better.

Until it didn’t.

Until I realized I just couldn’t control everything anymore. I couldn’t predict how life was going to go and what was going to happen tomorrow. I couldn’t create my own safety net because the safety net I created, wasn’t really that safe.

So here I am. In the middle of that learning to let go of control, because I never had it anyways. And learning to trust a little more that my safety is found in Christ and Christ alone. Bad things happen, I wish they didn’t, but they do. Kids grow up in families that have a little baggage. Kids get taken away from families that have a lot of baggage. People lose children too soon. People lose spouses too soon. Disasters happen. Tragedies happen. And sometimes life gets a little bit hard. And when that happens the only way we can truly make it is knowing where we are safe.

I will never understand why things happen the way they do. I will never understand why some days have to be hard and why some seasons have to be dark. But I do know that we live in a sinful world and that’s part of the territory. But you know what I also know? God has a perfect plan. Even in the midst of the darkness, even in the midst of hurt, even in the midst of loss, God has a perfect plan. He can take the darkest of situations and turn them into something incredible. He can take the valleys and make them lead to beautiful mountain tops. He can take loss and create life. And right there in the middle of the darkest hour His goodness lights the room. God is good and His plan is perfect, that is all the safety I will ever need in life.

I don’t know where you are right now. I don’t know what questions your heart has, what hurt your life has carried, or where you find your safety. But I know that sometimes life is a bit scary. I know sometimes life is a bit hard. And I know sometimes you can feel like you’re losing all control. But what’s beautiful is the more you realize you have no control, the more you can realize the one who does. And the more you see that God is in control, the more you can trust in His perfect plan.

So, if you’re there, where you feel like you’ve lost control, just know that I am there with you. I am right there with you learning to let go just a little more. I am right there learning that my safety isn’t in the plan I create in my head or in knowing every detail. My safety is in Him. And a little more each day I am learning that. And a little more each day I am grasping that. And a little more I am believing that.