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on March 1, 2016 · Leave a Comment

Elyse {11 Months}

I really wish I wasn’t writing this 11 month update right now because it means the next one I write is her first birthday. It has got me all emotional just thinking about it. I am just not ready for my baby to grow up. It also is a bit scary to think I will technically be a mom of two toddlers soon…and I thought a toddler and a newborn was scary!

This sweet baby girl is starting to keep up with her big brother in all his crazy wrestling. A few times I have caught her rolling around on the floor with him. She is going to be one tough girl. When she doesn’t like what he’s doing, she is sure to let out an ear piercing squeal to let him know. Next to her mama, her big brother is definitely her favorite person. She is still one hundred percent a mamas girl and I am loving it and embracing the hard and wonderful moments of it all.

Elyse loves bath time. In fact she was nursing the other night and heard her daddy turn the water on she immediately pulled off laughing and rolled right out of my lap crawling to the bathroom. She’s been a water baby since the beginning and she loves it even more today. She is still crazy about her jumperoo, a puff eating machine, would live in the Ergo baby with her mama, and loves to dance.

She’s fighting the church nursery good and hard again. Her pediatrician keeps telling me it’s normal at this age and separation anxiety but I know it’s way more than that. This girl has been fighting the nursery since birth. The hubs keeps telling me it’s her personality and it’s okay, but it definitely is a bit hard. Girl loves her familiar surroundings and is not too fond of new people.

She dropped down to 4 nursing sessions instead of 5 this month and is officially going to bed at 8:30 with her brother now. It is a beautiful thing having our evenings free again. She is quite the picky eater, but she loves food. When you find something this girl loves she won’t stop eating it. Macaroni and cheese is probably on the top of that list. I also gave her a cup of water for the first time and she crawls around the house with it in her hand like it’s her best friend. I have never seen someone get so excited about things. She is such a joyful baby.

As always, some favorites from this month:

Sweet baby girl,


I don’t want you to stop being my baby. I just can’t believe it’s almost be an entire year with your little face in our family. Your joy is absolutely my most favorite thing about you. I’ve never seen someone so happy about the littlest things in life, you remind me to savor them. Watching you dance is probably one of our favorite things to do, the minute music comes on you start moving and you are so happy. You are mama’s little girl and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s special and I will treasure that. Although I am not ready for you to grow up, I can’t wait to see who you become. I will also enjoy planning a little girl party just for you!


Until next month,
Mommy. 

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Filed Under: Elyse, Family, Ferg Littles Tagged With: Monthly Update

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You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love that you so freely give to your family. It’s not just about holding space for them; it’s about holding space for you, too.

You don’t have to shrink yourself to make room for others.

You deserve to take up space too.
Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive becom Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive become the hardest to unlearn. Those patterns once kept you safe, but now you’re learning they don’t need to anymore. 

Give yourself grace—you’re unlearning survival. Healing takes time, and with each layer you peel back, you’re discovering the person you’ve always been beneath the survival.

And if you’re anything like me, you’ll really learn to love her. ❤️
✨ NEW SEASON ✨ I’m not a big fan of change. ✨ NEW SEASON ✨

I’m not a big fan of change. My nervous system gets all panicky and tends to over research every possibility that could take place. It likes to tell me safety is in the details. 

But I know that’s not true.

This year has been a big year of growth for me in this department. Trauma told me control was my safety, but the truth was all I ever had was a false sense of control. 

This year has offered plenty of opportunities for me to say, “Okay God, you have my yes, wherever that leads.”

No over research. No over analyzing. No predicting every possibility. No trying to control the outcome.

Just a heart that says, “Yes.” 

Even when I don’t understand. Even when I’m nervous how it will turn out. Even when it feels like right now isn’t bad. Even when my heart’s confused. 

Even when….

God has been asking us both a lot lately, “Do I have your yes, no matter what that looks like?” Friday was the end of a season for Chad working at the Appliance Guys, and today starts a new season of a new company. It was NOT an easy decision, and it came with a lot of tears (mainly from me - are you surprised?). His boss, where he’s been for the last almost six years, has been an incredible support for our family as we walked through some of the hardest seasons of our family. They will always hold a special place in our heart.

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Sometimes, all God wants to know is does He have our “YES” no matter what that means. No matter what that changes. 

May I live my life in a way that has an open heart to hear from God and a willingness to say “YES” even when….

(PS he was so thrilled I made him take this photo. 😂 But I know this season will be one we forever ever want to remember, because God always shows His faithfulness).
I wonder if they would have chosen life for her. I wonder if they would have chosen life for her.

I wonder if they would have seen what was growing inside of her, and the fight that was about to come on the other side, if they would have said her life was worth saving.

I wonder if they would have discounted her before she had a chance. 

I wonder if they would have made a prediction about her quality of life and deemed her not worth the cost.

I wonder if they would have saw the life saving measures she would need and decided that it was worse to let her live.

I wonder if they would have saw everything that could go wrong, the bleak prognosis, and compared her to statistics. 

I wonder if they would have made a choice to encourage a decision that robbed us all of the miracle we see today.

Whether 48 hours or 4 years - her life has changed mine for the better. It’s heartbreaking to think someone may have once told me she wasn’t worth it.

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