Have you ever felt pressured by the idea that the world puts out of what your family dynamic should look like? The men do the working, the women do the homemaking and children care-taking, and there’s no in between. This is the way a family dynamic should look. It’s like this idea that floats around that no one really says or knows where it comes from, but it lingers in the air and you think that is the way that it’s supposed to be. I’ll admit, I have found myself burdened by this idea. I’ve been overwhelmed with guilt and overwhelmed with exhaustion trying to live up to this idea of family.

My husband helps. As a matter of fact, in certain seasons of our life he has done 99.9% of the cooking. (Don’t gasp!) My husband thoroughly loves to cook! When I got pregnant with our son I couldn’t handle smelling food, yet alone cooking! So my husband took over cooking and you know what he realized? He LOVED it! So we traded. He cooked and I cleaned up from dinner. I hated cooking, he hated doing dinner dishes, so we found what worked for us. When we lived in the church parsonage the washer and dryer were in the creepy basement. The stairs that led down to the basement were very steep and old, so not really the safest design, so my husband took over laundry. He didn’t want me carrying laundry up and down those stairs, leaving the babies upstairs, or risking me falling and injuring myself. Laundry & cooking…those are the top two things on the list of a woman’s to do list, aren’t they? I found myself so burdened by guilt. What kind of wife am I if I’m not keeping on top of the things that I am supposed to do?

But who says that’s what I am supposed to do? Not my husband. Not the Bible. Not anyone important. So why would I let some preconceived idea dictate what works best for our family?

The family dynamic is such a beautiful creation. God created Husband and Wife so that we could do this life thing together. Not only in the big things, but in the little things too. We are team mates. That means we tackle what life throws at us together. If that means he cooks dinner and does laundry, and I take care of all the other cleaning because that’s what works for us, so be it! If that means he is the primary person working and I am home taking care of our children because that is what is important to us, then that’s what we do. We have to find what works for us and our family.

In different seasons of life, roles change. When I am pregnant, I depend on my husband a lot. I need his help when it comes to cooking, I need his help when I can’t handle vacuuming or mopping anymore. He’s my teammate and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Now that my husband has picked up a weekend job, and is working extra hard to provide for our family, I’ve assumed the majority of the household responsibilities. We are in our new home so I have taken back laundry, although he still occasionally throws in a load or two. We’ve pretty much split cooking down the middle. I stay home and care for the kiddos. I change A LOT of diapers, I change a lot of clothes, I clean up a lot of messes, I burp, potty train, discipline, and so much more all day long. We do this thing together. We work as a team.

At some point we have to let go of what other people say our family should look like and determine what we believe to be best. Every one will have a different family dynamic, it doesn’t mean they are right or wrong. The best way to grow as a family is to work together, to really truly become a team. Not one person can do this alone, that’s why we need each other. So I stopped feeling guilty for doing things different. I stopped worrying about the way I thought things should be. I worked along side of my husband, as his team mate, to decide what worked best for our family in each season of our life. What works now may change one day, and that’s okay. That’s why we do this life together, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.