I am finally having the chance to really sit down and do some writing about life these days. It’s very far and few between that I have time to catch my breath without at least on child with me. There isn’t much time where I find myself alone, but it isn’t all that bad. Some days it gets to me, others it doesn’t bother me at all.

So the big question you all want to know, how am I doing with two? You know, it hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. I think I worked myself up thinking it was going to be a lot harder than it really is. Now I am not saying it’s really easy, but it’s manageable. I am definitely a lot more tired with the second baby because there isn’t as much time to nap. When the baby is down, the toddler is usually awake, so I just have to keep going. I think the first month or so I was running on pure adrenaline. But as weeks five and six approached I kind of hit a wall and became a lot more emotional and I think that is because I was just plain exhausted.

The first day I was going to be left home with both of them alone I was so overwhelmed just thinking about it. But I survived. Really all those natural instincts and a mother’s special gift to multi-task just really kicked in. The transition went a lot smoother than I thought. I really made myself think it was going to be way worse than it was. The only time I start to really panic is if they both happen to cry at the same time…it’s rarely happened, but it has happened. Now where I draw the line at bravery is leaving the house with both of them by myself. I have done it a few times, but I have to be really strategic about where I go. Jase still doesn’t grasp the whole waiting thing. So if I am out and have to nurse Elyse, I am worried he would be done with whatever he’s doing and run off. So I go to play areas that block him in. Or where I can stick him in a shopping cart or stroller. I also really have to work up the courage before leaving with both of them…Jase isn’t even two yet so his patience skills are next to nothing. And his ability to comprehend everything I say is rare, so yes I do get a little anxious leaving on my own. I’ll get there.

How’s big brother? He’s doing pretty well. I did really good with all my emotions this time around and wasn’t as big of an emotional wreck as I was after Jase. But one thing that did really make me break down was the way Jase handled having a baby the first week or so. I have realized there is about two ways a toddler usually handles the new baby. First, they may smother them and you’ll fear to ever leave them alone with the baby. Second, they may be completely disinterested and want nothing to do with them or with you when you have them. Jase was the second one. He was very unsure of Elyse, admired her from a distance, and wanted nothing to do with me for about the first ten days. It broke me. That boy was my baby and he was completely refusing his mama. But after the first few days he would come near me when I wasn’t with her. Then about two weeks into it he had warmed up a lot more. He still isn’t completely interested because she can’t do anything. He loves to talk to her, give her her paci and blanket, share his toys with her, and more. He looks for her when he wakes up in the morning and he loves showing her off to people when they come over. He’s a pretty good big brother and I can’t wait to see their relationship blossom over the years. I especially cannot wait for when she can play more with him and I get to see that unfold.

It’s an adjustment remembering how much having a newborn keeps you at home more. I miss being out of the house, scheduling play dates, and getting more adult interaction, but I know it’s only a season. I also know how important it is for me to be right where I am. Having a new baby always seems to stir a season of change in my personal life with the direction God wants me to go. Having a new baby is adventurous in more ways than one.

Some days are good and some days are hard. The look I get from people at the store when they find out both my kids are under two (except he’s two now!) kind of makes me feel like I am an alien, but I love this crazy life full of toddler adventures and newborn snuggles. Every day I find a little more of my rhythm and what works. And every day I discover more and more of God’s grace and how to focus on what really matters.