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on February 25, 2015 · Leave a Comment

Jase 20 Months

I am about a week behind in posting this update, it’s been crazy busy around here lately. Jase has SO many new words at this point that I have decided to start doing these a little different now. I’ll just be posting his monthly photo and leaving off all the new words, favorites, and dislikes that I had been doing. Those always make their way into the post themselves anyways, so I am sure the information will not be lacking.

 
 
 
Peanut,
 
Your daddy and I have been talking about you a lot lately. It is incredible how much you have grown. Any time I come across an old photo of you I just cannot get over how much has transpired in such a short amount of time. You are SO much fun. We have said multiple times over the last few weeks how fun this stage you are in is. Every time we say something, you are trying to say it too. Every time we do something new, you are trying to copy it and do it yourself. You are a little sponge soaking up absolutely everything around you. Whenever I see your daddy hold you I cannot get over how big you look now. I just truly cannot get over how fast it went, you are changing so much and it is really hitting me. Maybe it’s because your little sister will be here soon and I am realizing just how fast it really goes.
 
When ever you hurt yourself even a little, you run right over to us and point to your “owie” and ask for “mwah” then we kiss it and say all better and you repeat “all booter.” It is our favorite thing you say right now, we are always purposely trying to get you to say it because it’s just so darn cute! You are constantly grabbing your coat and hat trying to put it on to go “bye-bye” and pretend you’re headed out the door. Your dad thinks you and I are crazy with how much you and I love to go places. You love going to “class” at church and playing with everyone. They all talk about you as a ball of energy who never stops talking. You are an incredibly animated person. When you get excited about some thing, everyone knows. You talk to complete strangers like you see them every day, you may even be the favorite hallway greeter at church.
 
Since it’s getting increasingly hard for mommy to get on the floor with you with how pregnant she is, especially since she injured herself, you’ve been playing a lot with daddy. He is your absolute favorite play mate. You have all these little games you play together and it truly warms my heart watching you both. You have such a good daddy and it’s apparent in how much you love him. You are my cuddle bug for sure though. You love to curl up as close as possible with me and snuggle, it really reminds me of how special you are.
 
You don’t like when your toys aren’t working the way you want. We are working on teaching you to ask for “help” before screaming when something isn’t working right. You also do not like getting your clothes taken off and immediately run to your room saying “clothes” and pick out something new.
 
You are less than a month away before you become a big brother. I am trying to soak up every moment with you – you being the only little we have. I can’t wait to see how you are as a big brother. I know that you are going to love her as much as you love everyone else you come into contact with.
 
Until next month….
 
Love you,
 
Mama.

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Filed Under: Family, Ferg Littles, Jase Tagged With: Family, Ferg Littles, Jase, Jase Monthly Update Year 2

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You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love that you so freely give to your family. It’s not just about holding space for them; it’s about holding space for you, too.

You don’t have to shrink yourself to make room for others.

You deserve to take up space too.
Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive becom Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive become the hardest to unlearn. Those patterns once kept you safe, but now you’re learning they don’t need to anymore. 

Give yourself grace—you’re unlearning survival. Healing takes time, and with each layer you peel back, you’re discovering the person you’ve always been beneath the survival.

And if you’re anything like me, you’ll really learn to love her. ❤️
✨ NEW SEASON ✨ I’m not a big fan of change. ✨ NEW SEASON ✨

I’m not a big fan of change. My nervous system gets all panicky and tends to over research every possibility that could take place. It likes to tell me safety is in the details. 

But I know that’s not true.

This year has been a big year of growth for me in this department. Trauma told me control was my safety, but the truth was all I ever had was a false sense of control. 

This year has offered plenty of opportunities for me to say, “Okay God, you have my yes, wherever that leads.”

No over research. No over analyzing. No predicting every possibility. No trying to control the outcome.

Just a heart that says, “Yes.” 

Even when I don’t understand. Even when I’m nervous how it will turn out. Even when it feels like right now isn’t bad. Even when my heart’s confused. 

Even when….

God has been asking us both a lot lately, “Do I have your yes, no matter what that looks like?” Friday was the end of a season for Chad working at the Appliance Guys, and today starts a new season of a new company. It was NOT an easy decision, and it came with a lot of tears (mainly from me - are you surprised?). His boss, where he’s been for the last almost six years, has been an incredible support for our family as we walked through some of the hardest seasons of our family. They will always hold a special place in our heart.

But God said “it’s time” and my faith-filled husband said “Yes.” I have to admit, I don’t envy how hard this decision was for him. It affects us both, yes. But he had to walk it out. And I’m so grateful for His leadership and faith to Jesus to step into the next season when there are so many unknowns.

Sometimes, all God wants to know is does He have our “YES” no matter what that means. No matter what that changes. 

May I live my life in a way that has an open heart to hear from God and a willingness to say “YES” even when….

(PS he was so thrilled I made him take this photo. 😂 But I know this season will be one we forever ever want to remember, because God always shows His faithfulness).
I wonder if they would have chosen life for her. I wonder if they would have chosen life for her.

I wonder if they would have seen what was growing inside of her, and the fight that was about to come on the other side, if they would have said her life was worth saving.

I wonder if they would have discounted her before she had a chance. 

I wonder if they would have made a prediction about her quality of life and deemed her not worth the cost.

I wonder if they would have saw the life saving measures she would need and decided that it was worse to let her live.

I wonder if they would have saw everything that could go wrong, the bleak prognosis, and compared her to statistics. 

I wonder if they would have made a choice to encourage a decision that robbed us all of the miracle we see today.

Whether 48 hours or 4 years - her life has changed mine for the better. It’s heartbreaking to think someone may have once told me she wasn’t worth it.

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