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on December 4, 2014 · Leave a Comment

Jase 17 Months

 

17 Months. I feel like I blinked and we got here. Well, technically 17.5 months because as usual I am late getting this post up. If it counts for anything I actaully took the pictures the day he hit 17 months. I just haven’t gotten on the computer that has the photos to post them. This whole no computer things gets hard when I am bouncing back and forth between two different ones. Anywho, I really cannot beleive I am a month away from him being a year and a half. He just seems so big now. It’s crazy.

To my little man,

You are growing so much. Actually you went from the 10% to the 18% at your doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago. Since then your eating has slowed WAY down, so you must have had a huge growth spurt to get you up there and now you may be leveling back out. Not only are you growing physically, but you are growing leaps and bounds with the things you are learning every day. You are picking up words like crazy. You look for patterns in things. You have learned to look at the picture on a puzzle piece and find that picture on your puzzle and know exactly where it goes – this has impressed me the most. I didn’t expect you would be grasping those skills so soon. Whenever you find shoes around the house, you bring them to the door and pile them up there. I think you think that’s where they go since that’s where daddy always puts the pair he wears to work. You have also started being really good at putting things away after you play with them. You get distracted half way through cleaning up, but at least you are learning. One of your favorite things to do right now is to watch me sweep the floor, then you run in after I finish to help me sweep all the dirt into the dustpan. You insist on helping every single time. I hope that means you are going to be a good helper.

You have also become extremely attached to your stuffed animals, or as you call them “baby.” I switch them out here and there so you don’t get attached to just one (there’s my secret) just in case we lose it. You are equally attached to your blankie, which I do the same thing with. So you are attached to having at least one with you at all times right now, doesn’t matter which, but you have to have them. You walk around the house with them, cuddle with them, and most definitely sleep with them. It is really the sweetest thing to watch.

Being your mom has been the most incredible thing. It’s hard, and scary, and lovely, and so much more all balled up into one. It’s crazy to think you are already such a big boy. Well, at least you like to think so. I really am so happy to call you mine.

Until next month.

Love,

Mommy

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Filed Under: Family, Ferg Littles, Jase Tagged With: Family, Ferg Littles, Jase, Jase Monthly Update Year 2

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You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love You deserve to exist, with the same grace and love that you so freely give to your family. It’s not just about holding space for them; it’s about holding space for you, too.

You don’t have to shrink yourself to make room for others.

You deserve to take up space too.
Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive becom Sometimes, the habits that helped us survive become the hardest to unlearn. Those patterns once kept you safe, but now you’re learning they don’t need to anymore. 

Give yourself grace—you’re unlearning survival. Healing takes time, and with each layer you peel back, you’re discovering the person you’ve always been beneath the survival.

And if you’re anything like me, you’ll really learn to love her. ❤️
✨ NEW SEASON ✨ I’m not a big fan of change. ✨ NEW SEASON ✨

I’m not a big fan of change. My nervous system gets all panicky and tends to over research every possibility that could take place. It likes to tell me safety is in the details. 

But I know that’s not true.

This year has been a big year of growth for me in this department. Trauma told me control was my safety, but the truth was all I ever had was a false sense of control. 

This year has offered plenty of opportunities for me to say, “Okay God, you have my yes, wherever that leads.”

No over research. No over analyzing. No predicting every possibility. No trying to control the outcome.

Just a heart that says, “Yes.” 

Even when I don’t understand. Even when I’m nervous how it will turn out. Even when it feels like right now isn’t bad. Even when my heart’s confused. 

Even when….

God has been asking us both a lot lately, “Do I have your yes, no matter what that looks like?” Friday was the end of a season for Chad working at the Appliance Guys, and today starts a new season of a new company. It was NOT an easy decision, and it came with a lot of tears (mainly from me - are you surprised?). His boss, where he’s been for the last almost six years, has been an incredible support for our family as we walked through some of the hardest seasons of our family. They will always hold a special place in our heart.

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Sometimes, all God wants to know is does He have our “YES” no matter what that means. No matter what that changes. 

May I live my life in a way that has an open heart to hear from God and a willingness to say “YES” even when….

(PS he was so thrilled I made him take this photo. 😂 But I know this season will be one we forever ever want to remember, because God always shows His faithfulness).
I wonder if they would have chosen life for her. I wonder if they would have chosen life for her.

I wonder if they would have seen what was growing inside of her, and the fight that was about to come on the other side, if they would have said her life was worth saving.

I wonder if they would have discounted her before she had a chance. 

I wonder if they would have made a prediction about her quality of life and deemed her not worth the cost.

I wonder if they would have saw the life saving measures she would need and decided that it was worse to let her live.

I wonder if they would have saw everything that could go wrong, the bleak prognosis, and compared her to statistics. 

I wonder if they would have made a choice to encourage a decision that robbed us all of the miracle we see today.

Whether 48 hours or 4 years - her life has changed mine for the better. It’s heartbreaking to think someone may have once told me she wasn’t worth it.

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