Post Partum Insomnia.
That has creeped into my real motherhood life in the past two months. It stinks. A lot.
My child has been sleeping through the night since he was seven weeks old, now all of a sudden I cannot. Some nights it takes me two hours to fall asleep. Some nights I lay in bed until 2AM before I finally fall asleep. Some nights even after I have finally fallen asleep I wake up every two hours all night long. The worst is only falling into a light sleep, where I do not enter a restorative phase of sleep at all. It is somewhat of a tease sleep. I end up more exhausted from this than I do from lying awake. It has been rough, to say the least.
The past week has been the worst. Two nights ago I had a very light sleep for three hours, the sleep where you ask, “Did I even sleep at all?” Then I was wide awake for three hours, and finally fell into a good sleep at 6:30AM and slept for two and a half hours. During this particular night, I moved to the couch at 3AM so I did not wake my soundly sleeping husband who had work in the morning. I was feeling pretty defeated. I have prayed about this. I have asked others to pray about this. Some nights are good. I can have an entire week that is good, and then it comes back. Why does this keep happening?
I turned some worship music on my phone as I laid in the dark on the couch. The first song that played: You Are For Me by Kari Jobe. I would be lying if I said I didn’t need that reminder right then, because I did. I needed to remember that even when I felt alone in this struggle, God was for me. Even more, His promises were still mine. He promised He would not forsake me in my time of weakness. And at that moment, PPI was getting the best of me. It is so hard to feel like yourself running on no sleep.
Last night, I claimed God’s peace. I claimed His promises as mine. I claimed His promise for rest. I claimed His promise for peace. And you know what happened? I slept peacefully all night.
Post Partum Insomnia may not be something you’re facing right now (although if you are, you are not alone! I had no idea it existed until I started going through it), but you might be in the thick of something. You might be in the thick of being discouraged, you might be feeling overwhelmed, you might be feeling alone, you might be feeling a little disorganized, you might be feeling like you can’t get it right. That is real, that is life. As much as we moms like to think we are super human and can make it through everything, we can’t. We aren’t super human.
But we have a super amazing God.
Part of me, a little part in the back of my mind is wondering if tonight will be good, or if it will sink back into the pits of insomnia. But a big part of me is trying to remember that I have a big God who is bigger than even this. He promises me rest and He promises me peace. I am going to claim that and believe that with Him I will overcome this.
Will you pray for me? I would love to pray for you too! If there is anything you need lifted up on your behalf, I am just an email or comment away.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
John 14:27
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I've been through these phases, and they are tough. I will definitely be saying some prayers for you girl! xoxo
Yuck. Not cool at all. But your perspective on peace and rest and Christ is beautiful…you're in my prayers, friend!!
I get the mommy insomnia off and on. It stinks when everyone is sleeping so a can sleep…but I just can't. You are so right though, the best way to turn off the thoughts running through your brain is to rest in the peace of the Lord.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now! I have had times of insomnia before and it's so hard! I pray that the Lord blesses you with sleep!