Today I want you to meet Sarah. She is absolutely wonderful! She is a beautiful mom of two precious babies. Her blog is one of the most genuine ones I have come across which is a direct representation of who she is. I really felt led to ask her to share on a pretty hard topic and I am so glad that I did. God obviously wanted to use her and speak through her because her post is full of wisdom. I hope that you will read her words of wisdom and visit her blog, you won’t be disappointed!

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I drew a blank when Alessandra asked me to write about marriage, and adding babies to the relationship. I asked my husband, “how do we keep our marriage strong?” and through our blood-shot, over-tired eyes, we both looked at each other blankly.
In February, my husband and I celebrated our third anniversary (you can read our story here), and at the end of April we welcomed our second baby, a beautiful, brown-eyed girl. I would be lying if I said the last three years—much of which have been spent pregnant and/or waking up at night with babies—have been a breeze. Becoming a parent and raising children are intense, in every way, yet I am more in love with my husband now than when we married.

My advice?

Can I speak to the single ladies for just a moment? Ladies, marry a good one. If you’re single or anything short of married, and the man you’re with isn’t concerned with meeting your needs, even if his own go unmet, drop him. If you even remotely plan on having children one day, you will shoot yourself in the foot if you partner yourself with somebody who isn’t able to put aside his pride, his preferences, and his needs, for the sake of you and your children. Are you looking for a perfect man? There ain’t no such thing! But if you follow the Lord’s lead, you’ll find a man who is perfect for you–with his own unique set of faults that will challenge yours and bring you both closer to yourself and to Christ.


The night we were engaged

Friends, parenthood is a miracle. There is nothing more intimate than looking into your husband’s eyes as the two of you stand watch over your newborn child, realizing you made this life together. Watching your husband hold your baby will make your knees positively weak. Two of my favorite memories are from the hospitals my children were born in. The night my husband and I spent together in the hospital with our son, our little bundle of joy cried for what felt like most of that first night (myth: all babies sleep all the time), but we took turns rocking him and trying to soothe him. I will never forget that sense of partnership and comradery. We were both strangers in a strange land, but we were each one hundred percent invested in and committed to this little life. The night after my daughter was born was also a beautiful memory. After the hustle and bustle of having a new baby had ended and everyone had gone home, and the hospital was winding down for the night, and while our daughter slept in the bassinet at the foot of the bed, my husband squashed his 6’4″ frame into the hospital bed with me, and put his strong arms around me. I’ve never felt as much peace as I felt that night, in the arms of the man who loved me enough to raise our children with me.
It doesn’t all come easy or naturally, though. One of the hardest things for us has been learning to work as a team. When my son was born, I worked for a year while my husband stayed home. Due to circumstances outside our control, our decision was made for us, but neither of us was where we wanted to be, and it showed in our marriage. I definitely wasn’t the wife I wanted to be; I think we both saw each other at our worst that year. But I learned to…

Forgive. Ladies, you’ve got to forgive your spouse. My husband schools me on this–I’m not even sure if he’s ever really been mad at me, and if he has been he definitely doesn’t hang onto it. Me–well, I’m an elephant, and I’m quick to count faults. I go to the Lord over and over again to give Him my frustrations and ask Him to remove resentment or anger before it becomes bitterness. He has always been faithful to do so—but I have to let him take it away.

Serve. I’m a natural server, especially as I’ve become a mom, but my husband is not—at least not in the same way. Most men, I think, find it incredibly unnatural to do the kind of serving that we do as moms, and if you start adding up how much more you’ve done for the kids or for the house than your spouse, it will make you crazy. Trust me. Not keeping score, however, is not the same as not talking about. I have had to learn to become much better at communicating my needs and my expectations. As women, I think we often feel like we shouldn’t have to “spell it out” to our husbands—any normal person should understand, right?! This, however, is one place where you will need to let that go. You might have to tell your husband, then tell him again, and then understand your expectations still might not be met! I have been angry enough sometimes to want to quit serving my husband, to quit loving on him, but when I feel that way the Lord points me back to the cross. Christ loved me to death and back before I was even born, and so I keep trying to love my husband despite whether I feel loved or not. What I’ve noticed, as we’ve both grown, is that my husband’s heart has softened as I keep serving him. Not only is he better able to listen to and hear my needs, but he serves me now significantly more than he did when we married three years ago. The Lord will always be faithful to hear your needs, friends. He will often allow you to go with a need unmet, but it is so that He can fill that place. It is always worth the wait, even in your marriage.



Life before babies

Make your husband your best friend. Children are a whole-body loving experience. You love them with your heart, your body, your time–and most of your physical and emotional energy! If you do ever manage to get all your children asleep, very often what you want most is sleep yourself, or maybe just some quiet moments on the toilet all by yourself. You do need rest, and you do need to find some moments to recharge and refresh, but don’t forget your spouse. About a year ago, before I became pregnant for the second time, I noticed my husband playing outside with our son. As he tossed him up in the air, something caught in my throat, and I saw my son in 20 years standing there next to my husband. Suddenly, I realized that soon—almost literally in the blink of an eye—my children will be grown and gone, and it will be just me and my husband. I don’t want to find myself staring across the breakfast table at a man I don’t know anymore. The idea of going on a date feels a little laughable at this point in our parenting journey, but we both make connecting with each other a priority, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day.

Parenthood and marriage are by far the most challenging experiences most of us will ever face. Christ uses them to refine us! I am so grateful to the Lord for his patience with me as I learn and re-learn what he’s had to teach me. Thank you for letting me share some of those lessons with you!