It’s been awhile since I have sat down to write a blog post,
I have definitely missed having the time to write. My husband and I are
involved in two weddings this month, I took a quick trip back home, my job is
changing at work, and we’re preparing our resume to go into ministry, so it’s
safe to say September has already been a crazy month. I have been going back
and forth on what to write my next blog post on. I have a few things God has
laid on my heart that continues to bounce around in my brain, but one
particular topic seems to be heavier than the rest. To tell you the truth, I
don’t even want to write on the subject, but the moment I sat down to write, I
knew what I wanted didn’t matter.
Confessions of a People Pleaser
My number one strength, according to “Strengths Quest” by
Donald O. Clifton and Edward Anderson is that I am a Woo. Their definition of a
Woo is: “Woo stands for winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting
new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to
you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You
want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common
interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport. Some
people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running
out of things to say. You don’t. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words;
you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction
from breaking the ice and making a connection. Once that connection is made,
you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet,
new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers,
only friends you haven’t met yet – lots of them.”
Donald O. Clifton and Edward Anderson is that I am a Woo. Their definition of a
Woo is: “Woo stands for winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting
new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to
you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You
want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common
interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport. Some
people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running
out of things to say. You don’t. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words;
you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction
from breaking the ice and making a connection. Once that connection is made,
you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet,
new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers,
only friends you haven’t met yet – lots of them.”
If you know anything at all about me, you know that this is
completely and totally true for me. This book seeks to tell us our strengths,
so that we can zero in on that in our leadership and be successful. In my
personality and make-up of who I am, I “enjoy the challenge of meeting new
people and getting them to like me.” I am not a very competitive person, but if
there is any bit of competition in me, it would be walking in a room full of
strangers and seeing how many new friends I can leave with. It’s a competition
with myself, I suppose. What they don’t tell you are the weaknesses that come
out of your strength – there is no doubt that our greatest strength can also be
our greatest weakness. In the challenge within myself of getting people to like
me, would be the fault of needing people to like me, also known as “people
pleasing.”
completely and totally true for me. This book seeks to tell us our strengths,
so that we can zero in on that in our leadership and be successful. In my
personality and make-up of who I am, I “enjoy the challenge of meeting new
people and getting them to like me.” I am not a very competitive person, but if
there is any bit of competition in me, it would be walking in a room full of
strangers and seeing how many new friends I can leave with. It’s a competition
with myself, I suppose. What they don’t tell you are the weaknesses that come
out of your strength – there is no doubt that our greatest strength can also be
our greatest weakness. In the challenge within myself of getting people to like
me, would be the fault of needing people to like me, also known as “people
pleasing.”
I absolutely love people. My personality has always meshed
well with people, and I have always had a pretty easy time making friends. It
doesn’t matter what personality they have, or what they’re into doing, I love
the challenge of finding that common ground or interest just so I can have
another person to call friend. I told you, I love people. In High School, I sat
with different people all the time. I would bounce from one group of friends to
another, and another – I just loved meeting new people. I never really faced
the problem of people not liking me, or having a bunch of friend drama. I am
not exactly sure why, but I am thankful for it.
well with people, and I have always had a pretty easy time making friends. It
doesn’t matter what personality they have, or what they’re into doing, I love
the challenge of finding that common ground or interest just so I can have
another person to call friend. I told you, I love people. In High School, I sat
with different people all the time. I would bounce from one group of friends to
another, and another – I just loved meeting new people. I never really faced
the problem of people not liking me, or having a bunch of friend drama. I am
not exactly sure why, but I am thankful for it.
I’ve never felt like I had to change who I was to fit in, or
that I had to pretend to have the same interests as another person for them to
like me, or that I had to be like someone else for a particular group to like
me. I just always felt like I was outgoing and friendly enough and I cared
enough about people, that someone beings friends with me for me should be just
enough. So whenever I would run into a situation where I felt like someone didn’t
like me, especially for no reason at all, my heart would break. I am being
completely honest – I would cry my eyes out to my mom about how upset I was
that this particular person didn’t like me, when there was no reason at all for
them not to like me. I know it sounds silly, but I’m just being completely
transparent. My mom would tell me that there are going to be some people that
you come across in life that just aren’t going to like you, there doesn’t have
to be a reason, they just don’t like you. I would wipe the tears from my face
and nod my head and just try to forget about it. But truth is, I never did. My “winning
people over” personality would kick in and I would try to initiate
conversations with the person, or try to compliment them on certain things,
anything I could do to, well, win that person over. I just wanted them to like
me for who I was, not for whatever it is they thought about me that was causing
them not to like me. Because whatever it was couldn’t be true, I’m a nice
person and I love people!
that I had to pretend to have the same interests as another person for them to
like me, or that I had to be like someone else for a particular group to like
me. I just always felt like I was outgoing and friendly enough and I cared
enough about people, that someone beings friends with me for me should be just
enough. So whenever I would run into a situation where I felt like someone didn’t
like me, especially for no reason at all, my heart would break. I am being
completely honest – I would cry my eyes out to my mom about how upset I was
that this particular person didn’t like me, when there was no reason at all for
them not to like me. I know it sounds silly, but I’m just being completely
transparent. My mom would tell me that there are going to be some people that
you come across in life that just aren’t going to like you, there doesn’t have
to be a reason, they just don’t like you. I would wipe the tears from my face
and nod my head and just try to forget about it. But truth is, I never did. My “winning
people over” personality would kick in and I would try to initiate
conversations with the person, or try to compliment them on certain things,
anything I could do to, well, win that person over. I just wanted them to like
me for who I was, not for whatever it is they thought about me that was causing
them not to like me. Because whatever it was couldn’t be true, I’m a nice
person and I love people!
Operating in my strength of being a Woo, I was initiating
something that could end up holding me in so much bondage; caring too much what
other people think about me.
something that could end up holding me in so much bondage; caring too much what
other people think about me.
I have faced one of the hardest things that I have ever had
to deal with when it comes to friendships. I had a friend who ended up hurting
me more than I have ever been hurt by a friend before. Throughout everything
that went down, she began to talk about me through social media and it really
hurt me. I hated knowing that someone who I once thought was my friend could
turn around and do something so hurtful. I was hurt by it, and I had every
right to be hurt by it. I prayed through the hurt and asked God to help me to love
even when I felt as if I was wronged. It was definitely a growing experience
and very stretching for me. Even through my confronting her of the matter, and
praying to love her through it, it still stung every time I saw something said
about me. I finally had to guard my heart and block her (ladies the block
button is your friend). But something funny happened when I did that, I hated
not knowing if she was still talking about me. I hated not knowing if people were
saying things behind my back, or if I walked into a room were people just
talking about me, is Facebook and Twitter full of untrue things about me? I
cared about what was being said about me, because I cared what others were
thinking of me. Did you know that once you block someone you can go back and
still see what they said about you? Well, that’s exactly what I did. Guess what
happened? I got hurt again. How diligently am I guarding my heart if I remove
the guard because I care too much about wondering what people think of me? I
even sought counsel from a friend who told me that I needed to block her in
efforts to guard my heart, AND resist the temptation to go back and look
because she knew I would want to know. How did she know? Because we girls care
a lot about what people think of us.
to deal with when it comes to friendships. I had a friend who ended up hurting
me more than I have ever been hurt by a friend before. Throughout everything
that went down, she began to talk about me through social media and it really
hurt me. I hated knowing that someone who I once thought was my friend could
turn around and do something so hurtful. I was hurt by it, and I had every
right to be hurt by it. I prayed through the hurt and asked God to help me to love
even when I felt as if I was wronged. It was definitely a growing experience
and very stretching for me. Even through my confronting her of the matter, and
praying to love her through it, it still stung every time I saw something said
about me. I finally had to guard my heart and block her (ladies the block
button is your friend). But something funny happened when I did that, I hated
not knowing if she was still talking about me. I hated not knowing if people were
saying things behind my back, or if I walked into a room were people just
talking about me, is Facebook and Twitter full of untrue things about me? I
cared about what was being said about me, because I cared what others were
thinking of me. Did you know that once you block someone you can go back and
still see what they said about you? Well, that’s exactly what I did. Guess what
happened? I got hurt again. How diligently am I guarding my heart if I remove
the guard because I care too much about wondering what people think of me? I
even sought counsel from a friend who told me that I needed to block her in
efforts to guard my heart, AND resist the temptation to go back and look
because she knew I would want to know. How did she know? Because we girls care
a lot about what people think of us.
I hate the feeling of being misunderstood. I want people to
know who I really am, and when I am being wrongfully accused of something, or
when things are being said about me, I get so worried about people defining me
by those things. I hate the feeling of walking to a room and everyone stops
talking so you wonder what they were just saying about you. I hate the feeling
of people glaring at you and exchanging glances when you walk by because they
all know something about you that apparently you don’t yourself. I don’t want
people to look at me and see something other than me – I don’t want to be
defined by rumors, or gossip, or petty little things that aren’t true. I mean,
who would?
At some point though, I had to say enough is enough. And
that is exactly what I did. Something else that was being said about me got
brought to the surface, and again I was hurt and confused at why this petty
stuff hadn’t seemed to cease to exist. But this time, I reacted differently. I
sat down to journal because I was hurt, upset, and confused, and finally angry.
It takes awhile for me to get angry, but maybe getting angry is what I needed
this time. I am in the middle of my prayer time and I literally shouted, “Enough
is enough! I’m done!” What was I done with? I was done caring what was being
said about me. I was done caring what people thought about me. I was done
caring if people were talking about me or if they weren’t. I was done caring
about fixing the problem so that people would like me again. Enough was enough.
At some point, I had to sit back and recognize that I refused to allow the
enemy to feed lies into me through others. I was done allowing the enemy to use
the words of others to try to define who I am. Enough was enough. I decided
right then and there that I refused to be defined by what others said, thought,
or did – I refused to even care.
that is exactly what I did. Something else that was being said about me got
brought to the surface, and again I was hurt and confused at why this petty
stuff hadn’t seemed to cease to exist. But this time, I reacted differently. I
sat down to journal because I was hurt, upset, and confused, and finally angry.
It takes awhile for me to get angry, but maybe getting angry is what I needed
this time. I am in the middle of my prayer time and I literally shouted, “Enough
is enough! I’m done!” What was I done with? I was done caring what was being
said about me. I was done caring what people thought about me. I was done
caring if people were talking about me or if they weren’t. I was done caring
about fixing the problem so that people would like me again. Enough was enough.
At some point, I had to sit back and recognize that I refused to allow the
enemy to feed lies into me through others. I was done allowing the enemy to use
the words of others to try to define who I am. Enough was enough. I decided
right then and there that I refused to be defined by what others said, thought,
or did – I refused to even care.
Are you willing to say enough is enough? If you cannot come
to the place where you refuse to care anymore, you cannot move forward. You
will always be in bondage to what other people think or say of you. You have to
refuse to let those thoughts feed you. Enough has to be enough.
to the place where you refuse to care anymore, you cannot move forward. You
will always be in bondage to what other people think or say of you. You have to
refuse to let those thoughts feed you. Enough has to be enough.
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