There I am sitting in the Doctor’s office waiting for my Doctor to walk in. Since seeing that plus sign on that test knowing I was pregnant for the second time there was one burning question in my mind. Do I choose another C-Section?
To be honest, I was scared to go any other route. I didn’t want to experience the same exhaustion, the same fear, the same anxiety, and the same bad news over and over that happened when I had went through labor with my first. There was nothing to pinpoint why my body wouldn’t progress and why my baby was in distress, and because of that, it could likely happen again. I didn’t like not having answers. I didn’t want to put myself through that again.
I wanted this experience of having my new baby to be filled with good memories.
So I sat there waiting for him to give me the go ahead for questions, and I asked him “what do I do?” I didn’t want to look back on the day with fear. I didn’t want to be anxious going into it. I just didn’t want the same thing to happen. But I also didn’t want to be judged for my decision. I didn’t want people to think I was taking the easy way out.
I didn’t want to be shamed for choosing a repeat C-Section.
My doctor encouraged me and told me it was my decision. He understood my fears. He heard my worries. And he supported me when I said I didn’t want to go through that again.
He supported me when I chose to proceed with a repeat C-Section.
And then, the opinions came. The people who thought my choice was wrong or selfish. People who told me that I couldn’t have more kids if I chose this. People told me that I was putting myself at risk. People told me everything they thought about my decision, but there is one thing that they forgot to think about…
They forgot to think about how hard the decision was for me.
They didn’t put themselves in my shoes and think about the weight of actually having to choose the way I wanted to birth my child. Sure, I had a choice, but sometimes not having one is easier. They weren’t there listening to my worries and fears, or wiping my tears. They weren’t there when I felt like a failure the first time. They weren’t there holding my hand through one of the scariest days of my life. They weren’t there when my stomach sat in knots trying to make the decision that was best for my child.
They forgot to look past what their opinions were and support me in my decision.
We don’t always know the behind the scenes of someone getting from point A to point B, and to insert our opinions when we don’t could be just the thing that brings that person to breaking. The pressure is hard enough sometimes without people placing unnecessary pressure on us as well.
So, to that mama who is faced with the same decision right now, I want you to know…
It is okay to choose a C-Section.
It is okay to not want to walk through that scary day again. It is okay to want to know what to expect. It is okay to long for a better experience then the first. It is okay to birth your child on an operating table. You’re strong mom. You aren’t taking the easy way. You aren’t running away in fear. You’re standing there brave and making a decision, a hard decision. I am proud of you mama.
And there is something else I want you to know.
Choosing a C-section can be beautiful.
Embrace that decision. Be proud of your choice. Stand up for yourself. Let me be the voice that says…
It is okay to choose a C-Section.