I lost track of how many times my name had been called to settle a sibling squabble. There were tears, there were tantrums, and there were very unhappy children and a very exhausted mama. It seemed like I was being buried in a season where I couldn’t find any peace. I couldn’t find peace with my kids, I couldn’t find peace in my aching pregnant body, I couldn’t find peace when I slept (what sleep?), I couldn’t find peace anywhere.
It seemed as if everything was crumbling.
I was facing some of the hardest days of grieving and processing that I have ever encountered in my life. I was learning to manage panic attacks. I was learning to confront lies with truth. I was learning so much about myself and in the middle of it all, I was supposed to be a mom.
Excuse me, but how?
How could I be mom when my life was seemingly crumbling around me?
How could I be mom when all I wanted to do was spend my days crying?
How could I be mom when I felt so overwhelmed and anxious?
How could I mother through my mess?
Obviously, my life was a bit messy. I was knee deep battling postpartum anxiety and PTSD from childhood. I felt alone. I felt crippled. I felt disheartened. I felt like I had nothing to give.
Life was messy and I had to mother in the middle of that mess and I wasn’t exactly sure if I knew how to do that.
It’s there God began to whisper to my heart over and over and over again, “Sweet Child, Embrace my grace and rest in my presence.”
He wasn’t telling me to get over it. He wasn’t telling me to ignore it. He wasn’t telling me to send my children away and get my stuff together so I didn’t mess them up. He wasn’t telling me that it was hopeless.
In fact, He was telling me quite the opposite.
He was telling me that His grace was sufficient to sustain me in the moment of my weakness. In my darkest season, He was there. In my hopelessness, He was giving me rest like only He could give. God was inviting me to be closer to Him. In the season of my life that I felt the most unworthy of His grace is the very season that He poured His grace upon me like rain.
We are all messy. In fact, a lot of this life that we live can get pretty messy. Most of life isn’t lived on the mountain top, a lot of life is lived in the valley and the in between, where it feels a bit chaotic and a bit messy. It’s in the messy of life that God reminds us of our dependence on Him. It’s in the chaotic that He reminds us of our humanity. It’s there where we see our imperfection at face value and are wrapped in the loving arms of the only One who is perfection Himself.
Mamas, motherhood is messy, life is messy. There are going to be seasons where you feel like you have nothing to give. There are going to be seasons where you feel overwhelmed by the task at hand. There are going to be times where you question why He thought you could do this AND motherhood.
The weight of perfection in motherhood can be so heavy, but it’s a weight that we were never asked to bare. Perfection is a task that we can never achieve. The best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to see our imperfections. When we show our children that our dependence comes from Christ and Christ alone, then they are empowered to look to Christ for their own dependence.
Sweet mama, you will face messy seasons, you will face feelings of inadequacy, you will face seasons of questions, and when you do, listen to that gentle whisper. Listen to the whisper of God telling you to embrace His grace and live in His presence. It is there that you will fully experience freedom from the expectation and weight of perfection.
You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to embrace perfection Himself.
You don’t have to have it all figured out, you just have to know the one who does.
You don’t have to live a mess free life, you just have to embrace the grace that God gives.
This beautiful Bible Cover was created by the loving hands of Nicole at Mama Booclay. Her work, it’s stunning. But do you know what amazed me even more? Her heart. When I received this beautiful custom made Bible cover, a note was attached. In this note, she mentioned that she hoped this Bible Cover was a part of touching my life in time in God’s word. She prays that each person who receives her Covers are impacted by the living, breathing, word of God. How incredible is that? To know that the very person who made the product in my hands was praying for me? It’s touching.