Being present is something I have always struggled with. I didn’t realize to the extent this struggle was until my journey in overcoming anxiety last year.
When I am with my kids, I’m there. When I am with my husband, I’m there. I strive to be all there with whatever it is I am doing, but I didn’t realize in ways that little things were pulling my attention.
But last year I learned something about myself, children who face significant trauma growing up don’t know how to live in the present. Trauma brain has them constantly reliving the past, or preparing for the future. Trauma brain was built to help them survive. But there comes a point where I have to realize I no longer have to live in survival mode. I just have to live in the present.
So as I searched for a word this year I knew there couldn’t have been a better one. Present; existing or occurring now.
I want to focus on living in the now, right here in what is occurring today. When I am with my kids, I want to be there. I don’t want to be thinking about yesterday or worrying about the future. When I am with my husband, I won’t to be focused completely on him, nothing else. I want to be present in today and not allow myself to worry about what life is going to look like next week. When I spend too much time focused on tomorrow I miss everything that’s happening today.
The word present has so many layers to it that I can’t wait to discover and embrace. I know that God wants to continue to restore a sense of safety in my life that can only be found in Him, and being present in Him today.
So this year it’s being present that I want to focus on.
What do you want to focus on?