The blog was pretty quiet last week…I didn’t mean for that to happen. My handsome hubby headed off to Kid’s Camp with our church for the week Monday morning. Always a sad day when he leaves, so I try to keep myself and the kids busy. If I can keep myself and the kids busy during the day, it makes the time go by quicker, and then at night I can fall asleep easily. Although taking care of the kids all day by myself can be extremely exhausting, it’s the nights that worry me the most when my husband is away. I usually check the locks on the doors a dozen times, leave way too many lights on, and fall asleep to a show. Does anyone else just HATE being alone at night? Please tell me I am not the only one.
When I got the kids into bed, I settled in my room with a movie. My mind immediately began to wonder. What was that noise? Did I check that the doors were locked? Was that another noise? What about that?
I stopped myself. No. I am not going to allow my mind to wonder.
I have been working on handling my fear better. I have struggled trying to fight through it on my own instead of handing those worries over to God. It’s been a battle for me for many reasons, but that is a story for a different time. So I calmed my mind, took a deep breath, and spoke out loud to those fears. God is our protector. We don’t have to worry. My mind does not need to wonder. We are going to be safe. And I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning I woke up and made the kid’s breakfast and started to clean out the fridge so I could get some groceries that morning. When my little girl ran over to the patio doors and pulled back the curtain to look outside and I suddenly screamed for her to get back. As she pulled the curtain I noticed the glass was completely shattered. I didn’t know if it was going to come falling down on her or not. I didn’t even know what happened. But I called my mother in law to see if my father in law could come over and look at it that evening.
Then, the fear hit. Completely blind sided me out of no where, I get the kids downstairs away from the door to play and burst into tears. What if someone tried to get in my house? Why didn’t I hear them? What if someone had gotten in? The fears started coming and they didn’t stop.
The enemy is so sneaky like that, you know? He took a moment that I was already vulnerable and decided to use it to make me forget the very words that comforted me just the night before. He knew that my husband was gone, knew I was struggling with fear, and saw it as the perfect opportunity to attack. But, I learned something through this week that I am choosing to look at instead.
God is my protector. The police officer stared at the glass in amazement. We can see a clear point of impact, but we have no idea what hit it. Our glass happened to be double pane glass, and the officer said it was a miracle they didn’t keep breaking through. Whether something spooked them off, a kid was just goofing off, or they didn’t think it would be as hard they stopped. The only thing that I can see in that statement is protection. God was protecting my family, there is no doubt about that.
I have to intentionally choose FAITH over FEAR. Fear is natural. Our body’s first response to situations that threaten us is fear, and there is nothing wrong with that. God gave us fear for a reason. It helps alert us to situations that we need to be aware of. It’s a great emotion that helps us know how to proceed, what is important is not sitting in it. What can I do with that fear? Where can I put my trust? I had to intentionally redirect my heart to focus on faith and thanking God for His protection, rather than fear of what could have happened.
God is a pretty big God. Sometimes it’s hard to realize God is there when you can’t see Him. I will admit, sometimes it doesn’t come easy to see His hand in everything. But, if I look closely enough I can see that He is ultimately in control of everything. I can see His hand working if I look for it. Even in the smallest things, there are opportunities to see God working. And even when it comes to someone’s attempt to break into my home, He can protect my family against that. And the best part? He doesn’t have to, but He chooses to. He chooses to protect my family simply because He loves us. He reveals Himself to me through these moments and I can’t help but see just how big He is.
It would be so easy for me to sit in the what ifs of this past week, but I am doing all I can to redirect my thoughts to the what is. And what is, is God is a big God. He is my protector.
Sometimes there are areas in our life that can be hard to fully understand how big God is. The enemy would love to take moments to keep us focused on the problem instead of God’s work in that area. The enemy likes us to focus on our lack, instead of God’s provision. Our sickness, instead of God’s healing. Our doubt, instead of what we know to be true. Our fear, instead of our faith. All of these emotions and struggles are normal, we are human. But the enemy wants us to sit there and forget about the other side. To forget about who God is showing Himself to be in those hard moments. But if we intentionally put our hearts and minds on Him, He promises not to let us down. He may just surprise us and show us just how big He really is.