My husband and I are complete opposites – I am telling you we are as opposite as they can come. I am completely spontaneous and love just doing what I feel like doing, and not ever needing to plan it out. My husband cannot handle having things sprung on him last minute, he likes to plan it out and be prepared for what’s coming next. I would thrive being in a room with a hundred people and would make it my goal to make a hundred friends before leaving. My husband would probably never be found in a room with that many people unless he had no choice. Even in a smaller group of people I would want to be carrying out conversations with just about everyone, while my husband would tend to be the quiet observing type. My family always found it the most amusing thing that two people who were complete opposites would be so attracted to each other. I know we always hear “opposites attract” but I am not so sure they meant people who were this different. But then again, maybe they did.
In our first year of marriage we really learned just how opposite we were. My husband wanted to be home all the time, he just loves being home. I wanted to be out all the time, if I wasn’t I felt like I was missing out on everything. But what kind of marriage would we have if we were never together? So either I was dragging him out of the house every night of the week because I couldn’t stand to be home, or we were staying home every night and I was absolutely miserable. This could easily get us into a place where we thought the other person just didn’t appreciate who we were, or that they wanted to change us. It could cause my husband to think I just didn’t know how to be home with him and enjoy our little family. It could cause me to think that my husband never wanted to go out and have fun with me and hang out. You see, things can get a little messy when you’re personalities are so opposite.
But this is where I found complete beauty in our relationship. Apart from each other, we were complete crazies on the polar extremes of the personality line. But, together we were this incredible balance of a couple – if we chose to embrace the need for balance in our life. Love comes with sacrifice, we all know that, and sacrifices don’t have to be viewed as a bad thing. Marriage comes with a lot of sacrifices and we have to be willing to make those in our life so that we can live out our marriage to the fullest. Being willing to take a step back and see that in our marriage, not only grows our marriage but it grows us as a person.
When I understood my husband’s need for time at home, and time with just me without needing to have a hundred people around, I understood more of who he was. When my husband understood my need for relationship and what it did for me, he understood more of who I was. When we looked at this crazy mess of opposite personalities and sought to understand those little things that made each of us who we are, it grew us as a couple to find the perfect balance. We could look at our lives and make it to where two people who are completely opposite could enjoy being together. We could find what life looked like between our two personalities.
Marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts that God has given us, but it comes with a lot of work. We made a commitment to work alongside our spouse to be the best that we could be together, as well as create the best in each other individually. There may be things that frustrate you about your husband’s personality, but I challenge you to take a step back and seek to understand why he operates that way and you may just be learning even more about him that you didn’t know before. Seeking to understand who your husband really is shows just how much you love him. So whether you’re polar opposites, completely the same, or lie somewhere in the middle of the line be willing to see your husband for what makes him who he is. Be willing to compromise. Being different isn’t a bad thing, it’s the beauty in why God placed you two together, growing you individually and as a couple.
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